BeaMer

THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE WHO ATTENDED YOUTH TODAY! All our regulars were there, and also the not so regulars, along with Yani, Grace and Dan. :) Thank you Eleesha for bringing the delicious food! Yummm~ We played the Never Have I Ever game, and it was pretty funny learning crazy things about everyone else. Haha.

Kuya Bong asked us if we have ever done those quizzes and stuff on Facebook. Like the quizzes that tell you what your afraid of, or what kind of guys you like. The reason why we do those things is because there are three things that people are always trying to figure out, and that is our IDENTITY, our PURPOSE and our DESTINY. But once we get to know God, and dedicate our lives to him, then we start to learn all those things about ourselves.

We skipped a bunch of pages today, and went straight to Essential III Two Natures of Christ. Hypostatic Union of Christ (hypostatic meaning two things at the same time) - Jesus Christ the God-man - Son of God and Son of Man - Jesus Christ is fully God and perfect man at the same time.

Man I shoulda written more notes, because I dont remember what about this we discussed. xD

Significance...Son of GOD - John 3:16 (begotten - meaning one of a kind) John 1:1-3, 14, 17 - Jesus Christ  was in the beginning and is GOD.

So bassically, we learned that Jesus didn't just start existing on Christmas. He been around since the beginning (John 1:1-3).

OKAAAAAAAY~ now for all the stuff I remember. lolol.

Genesis 1:1 - Collossians 1:16 - Jesus Christ is God the Creator of all things. - John 6:69 - Luke 1:35 - Jesus Christ as the Son of God pertains to HIS holiness as God.

We hear the word 'holy' a lot. Whether it be in worship songs, or in prayers, or even when we hear (maybe even say), 'holy crap!' But do we even know what holy means? We just threw out random things we thought it meant. Like, perfect, awesome (lol), the opposite of sin. But we learned that holy means ABSENCE OF SIN AND PRESENCE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD. So crap is probably the farthest things from holy, haha, and pretty much the only thing that is holy is God. The cool thing is that we can look forward to someday being holy and having a perfect body in heaven. :)

Then we started talking about angels, and how one third of the angels decided to follow Satan. I really think angels are so intresting, and I love learning about them. So (with the help of Grace), we learned that Satan used to have the biggest role as an angel, he was in charge of guarding the mountain of God [Isiah somewhere]. How powerful must you be to have that as your job? Anyways, so he decided that he wanted to be like God, he wanted to be worshipped, so he rebelled and along with one third of the angels, became fallen and yah. It is so hard to comprehend the fact that God knew all this would happen from the beginning. He KNEW that Satan was gonna rebel, and he KNEW he would take a bunch of angels with him. Thats crazy! So even though angels at the time didnt sin, they still had free will. But after the fall of Satan, angels no longer have free will. Their choice to go with Satan or stay with God finalized everything.

We started talking about salvation once again, and how we can't earn our salvation by doing good works. Because if we did think that we can be saved by the good things we are doing, that is like insulting the death of Jesus on the cross. Being saved is a gift. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith— and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast. [Ephesians 2:8-9] Once saved, always saved. So once you accept God, He will never let you go. You might backslide and go back to your sinful ways, but God will just keep disciplining you, and in the end you will still be saved. KB asked us, when a mother and child crosses the road, who holds on to who? Ofcorse we all said the mom, right? You don't see a mom that lets the child hold on to them, because if that kid see's a balloon, he'll be like, "OH! A BALLOON!" and runs after it, and gets run over! But if the mom has a hold on the kid, and he goes, "LOOK A BALLOON!" and tries to run after it, his mom will be there, holding on to him, so the kid wont run away and get run over. It's like that with God. It's not us holding on to God, and when we get discouraged, we can just let go of him. But once we TRULY believe in him, He is holding on to us, and will NEVER let go. So even if after we accepted him into our life, we decide we dont want to believe in God anymore, and we want to chase after that balloon, God will still have a firm grip on us, and take us safely to the other side of that road. Even if go through those low times in our faith, in the end, we will always go back to God. We cannot lose our salvation. [Matthew 7:21] Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven. So there are people who have said they accepted God in their life, but will not go into heaven. They might say to God, "Lord, Lord, I know you!" but God will say, "Well, I dont know you." Because they didn't really take that prayer of acceptance to heart, and they didn't really have Jesus. So it's not that they lost their salvation, but they never had it in the first place.

Uhm.. I have once more little note thingy here... All of us sin right? And all of us (I hope) repent after our sin, and ask God for our forgiveness. Repentanace is not telling God you will never sin again, because that's not possible. But repenting is in your heart, you don't want to do that again, you don't want to sin.

[man my thoughts are just eeeeeverywhere. im hope it not too confusing. i was trying to type down as much stuff as i remembered before i forgot them .xD)    

Man, I think Im going to have to make a blog about every Saturday now, because the Doctrines are just waaaay too good to not share! :D Also, because I dont want to just forget this in a month's time or something, because what we are learning is extreamly important!

Today at youth, was Nacho's birthday! (Nacho is our family's exchange student from Spain!) and uhm, there were a lot of people at youth today! A LOT! When we all gathered in a circle to play a game (WOOOT Armpit Hair won! Yee!), the circle was huuuuuge! Praise the Lord :D I love it when theres a lot of people at youth (MICHELE CAME TODAY!). For our Bible study, we actually finished the first page! :) hahaha

NON-ESSENTIAL DOCTRINES - are clearly taught in the Bible - must be believed by all Christians - If NOT believed, will result in GOd's discpline and consequences - Not believing them WILL NOT disqualify a person from salvation - A person can be SAVED despite his or her disbelief in them. Hebrews 12:4-11, I Corinthians 3:11-15, 10:23

Non-Essential Doctrines are the things God teaches us in the Bible that are IMPORTANT, but you can still be SAVED if you don't do it. For example, in the Bible it says "don't get drunk." [Ephesians 5:18], but if a Christian gets drunk anyways, it doesn't mean they can't go to Heaven. HOWEVER, it does NOT mean that it's okay to get drunk. There will be consequences for the things we do that goes against the Word of God, Because of his love for us, he would keep disciplining us, until we learn to do the right thing, rather than leaving us to do the wrong things until we end up messing up our lives. Ya know? :]

Kuya Bong asked us, "Who wants to go to Heaven?" Ofcorse everyone raised their hands. "Who wants to die?" And no one raised their hands. But thats when all our questions about death came up. Haha. A bunch of us were confused, because isn't WANTING to die, a sin?

"What if you were Christian, and you really want to go to Heaven and see Jesus already, so you kill yourself. Do you still go to Heaven?" If you TRULY had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, you would NOT want to commit suicide. The peace you get knowing that your loved, and that through Jesus you are saved, will be enough to stop you from killing yourself.

"If someone was planning to skin you alive, but you had a knife and you killed yourself because you'd rather die instantly that having to go through being skinned, will you go to hell?" (haha, Gershy, pretty crazy scenerio! xD) KB told us of the story of Stephen in the Bible [somewhere in Acts] who got stoned (people threw rocks at him till he bled to death...not the other kind of stoned...haha). Because of his faith, he was able to ENDURE that pain. Before he died, he even prayed to God asking them to forgive the people who were stoning him. What a cool guy. xD So again, if you truly had Jesus, you would not have to even consider that, because God will help you endure through the pain, and you wouldn't have to take your own life.

"If someone was on life support and you pulled the plug, is that considered murder?" No, because by taking someone off the artificial breather thingy (the huh? xD), you aren't taking anything away from that person's body, you're only taking away the machine that's keeping them alive. But it's also not a sin to keep someone on life support. If that's their wish, respect it, don't pull the plug, because then that is sinning.

Oh man, there were soooooooooooooooooooooo many questions but I cant seem to remember them all. I should really write stuff down next time. xD Im really tired. Im going to bed. I'll write more if I remember anymore. Or someone else from CHILL can continue the Q. and A. *hint hint BLOG PEOPLE BLOG* :D G'night

Youth today was craazzy. It was a lot of fun, and I learned a lot! :]

First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY GABE! Woot. Your cake was so awesome. haha. Hope God blesses you with many many many more years and that he keeps molding you into a more Godly man everyday! Oh, it was really cool seeing a new face at youth! Kris! (did I spell that right?) I love new people at youth! Praise the Lord! ...Uhm, we played that funny hand-squeezing game again, and our team lost :( Also, I love seeing people filling in boxes in our Word Up thing. Keep it up guys! :D

Anyways, now for the good part (well every part of Saturday is always good)! So we are starting a new uh...topic? Unit? The Essential Doctrines! We went over the whole thing last year, actually, EXACTLY a year ago with the BRBC youth in SD (miss you guys T^T), but we went over the whole booklet in 3 days, so this time around we are gonna go as slow as we want to, and ask all the questions we want to ask. No rush :). Tonight, we only got through 3 bullets, haha. We had lots of questions, and I learned so much!

We must BELIEVE in God and the Word in order to be SAVED. Believe - to be convinced of; to have confidence in; to entrust oneself to. But Ate Jade asked a really good question. Is is the same believing as how Satan believes in God too? No it isn't, because Satan doesn't put his TRUST in the Lord. So KB pointed to a chair and said, "See I believe in this chair. it's there. But when I sit on it, I TRUST that the chair would support my weight." Cool cool.

I think the most intresting thing we talked about was Luke 1:39-44. It's about when Mary's cousin was pregnant the same time she was pregant with Jesus. Mary went to visit her, and her cousin said that when Mary came, the baby inside her womb leaped (leapt?) with joy because he/she was in the presence of Jesus. KB said that even before they are born, God can still communicate with babies, and their soul can respond back to him. We got talking about aborted babies, and how can they accept God and be saved if they were never born? And we all learned that everyone gets a chance to accept or reject Christ atleast once in their life. God KNOWS when we are gonna die so if that baby is only going to live for 7 weeks, then God communicates with them sometime in that 7 weeks, and their soul can either choose to accept or reject him. Which is so cool! I always have trouble with my non-Christian friends, and when they ask about how babies can go to heaven and stuff, and now I finally know the answer! :D

Anyways~ I'm super bad at explaining things...why do I even have a blog? Haha, but I hope everyone else understood that because it is super super cool! And I'm very thankful that when God gave me a choice, I chose to accept Him, and I pray that I would CONTINUE to trust in Him all the days of my life. I pray the same aswell for everyone at youth, and I'm super grateful for you guys and for always coming back to youth on Saturday nights, instead of going out and partying or whatever, like everyone else. Thank you guys for your dedication, and keep reading your Bibles, and lets keep growing in our faith, and love God more and more! I love you guys! Forreal <3

I missed a whole day of school today because I had a bunch of things scheduled at the hospital. At 7am, I had an ultrasound, to make sure all my organs and stuff were normal etc ect. The nurse who did my ultra sound this time was cool, she actually told me what I was seeing on the screen. I saw my heart, liver, kidney and my diaphram. The whole procedure is so tickly. haha. Afterwards, we went to do my weekly checkup. Got my eye inspected, they said they are just going to wait to see if it'll go away (really dissapointing), and my spleen in back to its normal size! However I did lose the 5 pounds I gained last week. So I'm back to being 118 :(. Good news though, my WBC count is 12 400 now! Praise God :)

After a very long wait at the Operating Room, they finally brought me in to do my bone marrow sample. Oh my...it was horrible. Way worse than before. They immediately got me on the laughing gas, which made me super light headed. My eyes got super heavy, and every single inch of me felt numb. It was really cool cause I felt as if I was slipping into dreamland, but I could still hear them talking, and everyone's voices were echoing. Like in the movies when people just wake up from passing out, and the nurses talking to them are all echoey. hahha. It was a stellar experience. As they kept me on the gas, they were trying to find a place to put an IV where they can inject the amnesia. However, suprise suprise, my vains were not cooperating. Good thing they put a freeze thingy on my hand where she was poking, so I felt it, but it didnt hurt. It was just a tingle.

I guess after a while they turned down the intensity of the laughing gas because my eyes were no longer heavy, and I could feel the pokes hurting more and more. After half an hour or so, trying to find a good vain, another guy started to find a good vain on my other arm. So there were two people poking huge needles into me, AT THE SAME TIME. I guess the nurse holding the laughing gas saw me wince, and she kept saying she was sorry as tears started to apear at the corners of my eyes. Then after a couple more pokes and needles wigglying around in me, my crying got worse. So the people were nice enough to turn up the laughing gas to full blast I guess so I would go unconcious, and wouldn't feel the pain anymore. The only thing I remember before falling asleep was that I started praying. Like crazy. Then I passed out.

I woke up after what seemed to be only 5 minutes later, but apparently I was out for 45 minutes, and the operation thingy was over and the drugs wore off completely. I cried after that. Silently to myself under the covers pretending I was asleep. I was just praying and thanking God like crazy, just really happy everything went well and it was all over. And just thanking him for watching over me once again as I was in pain. They got me out of the OR, and on to another bed where I just stayed for the free chocolate milk and cookies, then me and my mom left.

Since I was fasting the whole day, we ate really really really good chinese food at Golden Rice Bowl. Im really glad its all over, and there were no complications like last time concerning the site they poked me at. However, I really really dont want to go back for another bone marrow sample.

I think its about time I write about the recent events that has happened, even though everyone has already figured it out through the grapevine. But I guess people are pretty curious about how I feel about all this. If you dont really wanna read about all the crap Im about to write (since it's REALLY long), just skip to the end ;)

On Monday morning, Febuary 16, there was no school so my mom and I went to the clinic to get my blood drawn and tested. Later on that day, my doctor called and told my mom to rush me to the hospital because my blood test results came out as abnormal. After my mom told me we had to go to the hospital NOW, I just remember feeling really scared, and I started crying. So I texted Kuya Bong and the gang to pray for me. Despite the full waiting room at the Emergency in the U of A, we got called up in less than five minutes. Which scared me even more. They told us to go the Pediatric Unit, where I met a lot of nurses and doctors that asked me the same questions again and again. Do I feel pain anywhere? Has there been anything strange I noticed change in body in the past few weeks? ect ect.

Finally, after four doctors, lots of questions, and a very long wait in my very own examination room, they told us there were two possibilities. A 5% chance of an infection, or a 95% chance of leukemia. Everything changed then, but for some reason I felt calm. But when I glanced over at my mom, she was crying. Then I started crying. Nothing the doctors or the nurses said then mattered to me anymore. They kept talking but I just didn't care. I just wanted to stop my moms tears. When the doctors and nurses left my mom, dad and I alone, we prayed together as my mom held me. Then as my dad called Pastor Ricky, I called my brother. It was horrible. I think even after all the horrible things they did to me at the hospital, talking to my brother and telling him that there's a huge possibility I might have cancer, was the absolute worst pain I ever felt. I just heared him crying to the point where he couldn't even speak anymore, I wasn't able to hug him, and all I could say was that I loved him. 

After the doctors came back, they explained more about my conditon. They told us that I'll have to stay at the hospital for atleast 4 more days for more tests, but their biggest concern was my white blood cell count. The normal WBC count is usually around 10 000, and I had 510 000. Wow. Then when the doctors left us alone once more, that's when the visitors started coming. Pastor Ricky, Kuya Bong, the Jamili's and the Hepas' were there and they prayed for me. Oh and that night, they decided that I needed an IV. However, my vains were not cooperating with the nurses. They kept poking my arm with this HUGE needle but my veins either moved out of the way, or they stopped bleeding once they got poked. It took two nurses, and a lot of my tears to get the IV needle properly in. BTW, those things are CRAZY annoying once they are sticking out of your arm. UGH. It was about midnight when they transfered me out of the emergency examination room, and into the Intensive Care Unit. Where they put ANOTHER IV in me, on my right wrist. In the ICU, they cut this hole in my right leg and stuck this 16 inch tube in me and connected it to this machine that filtered out my white blood cells so the amount would atleast decrease to a not so terrifyingly dangerous level. I had an IV needle in my left arm, another IV needle in my right wrist, and a tube in my right leg, so the only limb I was allowed to move anymore was my left leg...it was really hard! Oh and you know whats really nasty? I had to pee in a bedpan. It is the grossest thing ever and I never ever ever want to pee in one of those things ever again. It was about 6am, when they heavily drugged me so they can get a bone marrow sample. After such a long day, and so many thoughts going through my mind, I finally got some sleep (the doctors warned me that the drugs usually give people strange dreams...my dream? Christian was pushing me around the hospital on my hospital bed, REALLY REALLY fast. Haha.).

On Thursday, Febuary 19, I got diagnosed with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia. CML is very rare in 'children,' and is most commonly found in middle aged MEN (bwahha). Since it is still in the first stage, it's very slow progressing, and is the most treatable kind of leukemia. The only known causes for CML is the atomic bomb from WWII (haha), and exposure to lots of radiation. Most people who have it have no symptoms, but when they do, it includes low energy, lack of appetite, and night sweats (in my case, I had all those symptoms, but I just took them lightly). Thankfully, there is no need for any surgery, chemotheraphy, or radiation. Instead, all I have to do is take 2 pills a day for about 5-7 years and I should be cancer free! Praise the Lord! Although, due to the cancer, my body needs a lot of energy, so it uses up all the calories I eat so fast! I've lost 22 pounds so far, and it's very hard trying to gain that weght back, despite the fact that I ate almost every hour when I was at the hosptal. If I'm still continuing to lose weight by my next checkup, they're going to stick a tube up my nose and feed me liquid food all throughout the night. Eww. Also, my spleen is doing 5X the work it usually does, therefore it enlarged by a lot, so people aren't aloud to poke/punch/hit me in the stomache anymore (take that Kuya!).

The other two weeks I spent at the hospital were pretty awesome actually. People came and visited me everyday! With flowers, balloons, stuffed toys, and LOTS of food! And when there weren't people visiting, there were a lot of Disney moves to ocupy my time. I didn't have to wory about getting behind on Experiencing God because Kuya Bong was there EVERYDAY to read to me! I love you KB! I was so happy all the time because of all the people that come and show me that they cared, and they were praying for my recovery. God has TRULY blessed me with amazing friends and family, and through this whole experience, I felt that God made me very strong. Actually, I always mentioned that I don't think I was crying enough, but I just knew that God loved me, and he has something amazing planned for my life, and this whole thing was just so he can make me a stronger person, with a stronger faith in him. I know he always wants the best for me, and he won't ever put me in a situation that I wouldn't be able to handle. Through all this, I realized that without God, I would be such a mess. But he was there with me every single day, holding my hand whenever I was in pain, hugging me when I cried, and smiling at me when he saw me laughing.

I have SO much more to say, but this thing is already pretty long, haha. I just really want to thank EVERYONE, for worrying about me, and caring, and having my back in prayer. You guys have truly encouraged me to just fight hard, and keep a smile on. Thank you for everyone who visited and brought me gifts, and told me I still looked good even though I didn't shower for like a week, and I was in those hideous hospital gowns. XD I love you all so much, words can't even describe how thankful I am just to have awesome people like YOU in my life.